“Solitude and Yearning”

Argentina, 2019

Loneliness was nothing but a demon.

A demon that would insidiously sneak into a person’s heart and make them feel as if they were one of a kind, disliked by everybody, and all alone in the world.

It was also an invisible and yet bothersome illness, a weird type of cancer that would make people feel like they were suffocating or drowning.

This illness forced them to self-medicate with alcohol, cigarettes, and other substances. It pushed them into the arms and bed sheets of total strangers, but in the end, such encounters only made them lonelier.

And so, people would seek solace somewhere else, online. They’d log into chatrooms and spill their hearts’ deepest secrets to anonymous listeners, hoping to find a sympathetic ear… At least for one evening.

Tristan was a volunteer on one of such websites. He began listening there ’cause he felt lonely, lonely like countless others before and after him.

Three years later, his account — Therapeutic Whisper — acquired one of the highest listener badges. He hadn’t done anything spectacular to earn it, just talked to new members regularly. Many even became his long-time internet friends. They loved him because he was an optimistic person full of empathy who knew how to speak to others to make them feel listened to, cared for, and comforted.

*

On one autumn evening, the website’s chat was relatively busy. Tristan was tired but decided to pick up his fifth chat anyways. Someone had been waiting quite long for the next available listener, and he felt sorry for them.

Therapeutic Whisper: Hello, and nice to meet you!

Midnight Sun: Hello... Nice to meet you too.

Therapeutic Whisper: How may I help you today?

Midnight Sun: Hmm... Good question. I don’t know. I need to talk to someone but don’t have anyone who would just listen... or understand.

That’s so typical, Tristan thought to himself and typed back his standard response:

Therapeutic Whisper: I see. It sounds like a challenging situation to be in. Please know that you can confide in me safely. I am a trained listener, and we can talk about anything. I’m not going to judge you.

Midnight Sun: Thanks.

Midnight Sun: Frankly speaking, I’ve got quite a few things to throw off my shoulders. But let me introduce myself first.

Midnight Sun: My name is Reynart. I’m Belgian and almost 30 years old.

Oh! He’s from my country! Tristan realized, surprised. What a coincidence... This world’s really small... And he’s just three years older than me!

He wanted to ask the man more questions, but before he could, Midnight Sun sent him another message, which looked like he had written it to someone else earlier and just copy-pasted it into the chat window.

Midnight Sun: I’ve been married for some years. My wife and I have been through a lot together. I care about her, I really do. However, I don’t love her anymore, at least not romantically. Our chemistry was very short-lived and has been gone for years now… We’re living like roommates, sleeping in two separate bedrooms. I suppose our marriage is finished.

Oh, no, not this! Tristan thought to himself, panicked. Committed relationships definitely weren’t his forte. He never dated anybody and had absolutely zero insights to share on the topic. He couldn’t ghost Midnight Sun, though; it wouldn’t be right to leave him hanging like that. Tristan felt responsible for the chat that he picked.

So, he poured himself more sweet wine, hoping that it’d energize him, and decided to focus on validating the man’s emotions rather than providing concrete advice. This simple technique from mainstream therapy was the best route to make somebody feel better without providing concrete tips.

Therapeutic Whisper: Got it. You’ve been married for quite some time now. It sounds like you care about your wife a lot, even though your romantic feelings have been gone for a while. This is a challenging life situation to be in.

Midnight Sun: Yeah, exactly. I’ve been stuck in this limbo for a very long, considering different options... So, eventually, I started an affair. As my wife learned about it, it turned out that she had somebody on the side, too. We’re going to divorce now, but it’s so hard to let go.

Tristan just shook his head upon reading that. He couldn’t understand it and didn’t really want to. It was awful how some people could neglect their lovers like that and let their marriage go down the drain.

Still, he wasn’t supposed to criticize Reynart; it certainly wouldn’t help him. He needed to think of some constructive response.

Therapeutic Whisper: Thank you for sharing. I’m not an expert on marriage issues, but I can see why you’re struggling. I know from other sources that very often, spouses find it hard to part ways with each other after spending so many years together. Tell me, does your new lover support you through the divorce proceedings?

Midnight Sun: Yes, of course, it was what she had hoped for all along. Her name is Charlotte, by the way. She’s French. She moved to Belgium for her career.

Therapeutic Whisper: I see, and what does she do?

Midnight Sun: She’s an opera singer, quite a successful one, actually. We met at work. I’m a voice actor. I do voiceovers for animated movies, and she was hired by my studio. We were singing opening credits for a cartoon series together and dubbed the main characters, too.

Therapeutic Whisper: I see, got it. It’s great that you can count on her in this challenging time. Your job sounds interesting too. Tell me, does it give you a sense of fulfillment? Is it your rock in this tough time?

Midnight Sun: Definitely, I like it very much. Frankly speaking, it’s the only thing that makes me feel happy right now. Everything else feels just so… stressful, you know? I can’t sleep or eat with the divorce looming on the horizon. Even though it looks like it’s the best possible choice for us, I’m still having trouble making peace with it.