Amnesia in Nainital

India, 2019

January finally arrived again.

Devan loved this month. He could typically feel its uniquely refreshing energy long before it’d even start. It was his free ticket to starting everything anew and with a clean slate. It always motivated him to turn his life around and make it better than ever before.

However, this year, his future looked bleak, and not even the perspective of a new start could animate him. Maybe, it was just Nainital, giving him those feelings...

His friends kept pushing him to just pack and go back to New Delhi. Devan kept saying, yeah, yeah, I know, I should.

But deep down, he knew well that returning wasn’t an option… not after everything got ruined like that. Plus, his inner voice was whispering to him that staying in Nainital wasn’t a mistake, at least, not for the moment.

Thinking of it, it was almost as if something was keeping him here…

But what? He wasn’t sure of that.

Certainly, those couldn't have been memories of his first love? Because if the answer was yes, then it would be ridiculous... It was over and done with that man. Devan had even managed to get a rebound – the relationship with whom he managed to screw too – but oh well. That was life.

Relationships were hard.

So no, it definitely wasn’t about his first love. Rather, a general nostalgia related to the town, to which destiny made him return two times already...

Nainital was a special place. It was located in Uttarakhand, Northern India, and built on the Kumaon foothills of the outer Himalayas, almost two thousand meters above sea level. As such, it towered over other places, and locals liked to call it the hill station.

Devan loved this name, and his mind often drifted away to feed him inspiring images showing the post-apocalyptic version of the town, one with an abandoned train station concealed between various trees: pines, oaks, chestnuts, walnuts, musk roses, and others.

But the town itself had nothing post-apocalyptic in itself, and the true train station was actually far away; one had to drive forty kilometers by car to get there. Because of it, it was rather isolated from the world and a shelter... One that he needed very much after everything that occurred recently in New Delhi...

And that day, he had a particularly tough day at work, not really in terms of working long hours (although that, too), but tough emotionally.

He was asked to make a choice that he didn’t feel ready to make at all, a choice that was triggering all kinds of conflicting feelings in him...mostly ones that he didn’t want to be experiencing anymore, related to his first love...

He wasn’t ready for this. Not now, when he still felt bitter about everything that happened back there, in New Delhi... Things went from great to total disaster within days, and it was making him feel so miserable…

He shook his head as if it could make him get rid of all negative thoughts. The situation was so infuriating; he was getting angry at the only thought... and he wasn’t the type who’d lose patience quickly. He was rather calm and diplomatic, more willing to avoid conflict rather than let it escalate.

Yet, there were no saints, and anyone could get upset after being “pushed against the wall” as he had been.

And in the end, a link in his perfect image eventually cracked... He left work without giving any explanation to his boss and went for an escape trip to one of the three peaks surrounding the city.

Their names were Naina, Deopatha, and Ayarpath. A foreigner told Devan once that they sounded like the names of three goddesses, but their etymology was more complicated and not really that important.

Devan would often throw lucky coins to decide where to go, and today, coins told him to drive to Ayarpath.

Before driving out of the town, he made sure to check the weather at least twice. A gentle snow was predicted; hence going there felt relatively safe. He drove uphill, and as soon as whiteness surrounded him, his mental landscape cleared...

Driving peacefully, he suddenly heard the racket of a small snow avalanche falling nearby. He immediately looked into the rear mirror, but the road behind him still seemed clear.

He kept driving forwards, although a part of him wondered whether going on a trip that day was a good idea... The wind seemed stronger than at the hill station.

Having faith in the weather forecast being accurate, he kept driving forward, mostly because he couldn’t go back now - he was on a one-way road, one too narrow to turn the car around.

But within just twenty minutes, it became clear that the weather wouldn’t improve. It was always like this, in the mountains, weather conditions could change very fast and go from “gentle snow” into a “treacherous blizzard” fast.

Devan cursed the weather forecast, and himself, too. He should’ve just gone to a pub and gotten drunk. At worst, he’d call in sick the next day.

Instead, he may have to call in… dead.

Snow blizzards here weren’t a joke, definitely. One of his maternal uncles actually died in one, which was a real tragedy for his family. And the biggest irony was that the man’s name was Devan, too.

Maybe, in reality, I am him, Devan thought to himself philosophically, driving forward at a snail’s pace. Maybe, our destinies merged in some sci-fi way, and now, I am about to share his last moments…

It was quite an unusual thought, but he liked exploring abstract ideas, especially ones that could help him write better thrillers...

I’ll work on it once I reach the closest winter lodge, he decided. He knew that there was one nearby, even though he had never visited it by himself.

But just as he turned behind the mountain’s corner, his worst fear came true. There was so much ice that he lost control over the car, which began to skid and rotate, almost like the tip of a broken clock. Perhaps, he was really going back in time and becoming someone who had already died…

Yet now, he had no time to ponder it. Scared out of his mind, he hit the brake pedal, but that didn’t do anything. His car slid into the abyss, crashing into the snow. The last thing that Devan could remember was the airbag punching him violently in the face, after which he lost consciousness.