“THE UNIVERSE’S BROKEN COVENANT

When The Divine Betrays You: Spirituality After Trauma and Cosmic Betrayal”

PART I: THE FRACTURED COVENANT

Introduction

This book explores a difficult topic, yet it is a necessary one. If you are on a spiritual path, you have likely heard terms like divine tests, challenging seasons, the dark valley, or the dark night of the soul. These are the phrases we use to name those periods when the ground beneath us seems to soften and give way. They describe times when we look to God, or the Divine, for guidance and help—for ourselves or for loved ones—with a hopeful heart. We pour out our prayers and hold onto our faith, hoping for a situation to turn around, to be healed, or to be spared. We wait for a sign, for relief, for the comfort of a happy ending. Yet, sometimes, the relief doesn’t come. Instead, things do not go our way. Sometimes, they spiral slowly, and other times they collapse all at once, into a profound tragedy, the very outcome we feared most and prayed so hard to avoid. It is in that moment, standing in the rubble of that hope, that a deeper and more unsettling question can arise.

Witnessing Suffering at Any Age

I am barely 31 as I write this. It feels young to speak about such seasons, as if one needs the authority of many decades. Yet, I have experienced these seasons deeply within my own spirit, and I have witnessed them taking root in the lives of others. Age, I have learned, is not a barrier to this kind of understanding. Like the story of Siddhartha Gautama, the Buddha, teaches us, even if you are sheltered within a golden palace, shielded from all sight of suffering, you will one day step out beyond its walls. You will see the real world, with its aging, its sickness, and its grief. This awakening can happen at any age. In truth, if we are paying attention, it happens to us in small ways every single day.

The Daily Glimpse of Tragedy

Each day, we are witnesses. Through the window of our media, we daily witness tragedies—images of natural disasters sweeping away homes, reports of plane crashes leaving families shattered, stories of violence and loss that feel both distant and deeply personal. Often, we feel a genuine pang of sympathy, a tightening in our chest. But then, almost instinctively, a protective thought follows: “Thank goodness that wasn’t me,” or, “That could never happen to me, to my family.” It is a human reflex, a way of maintaining our equilibrium in a world that can, at times, feel random or even godless. We see this world, yet we do not fully dwell on its implications. We don’t let its reality settle into our bones until something breaks through that protective barrier and touches us directly, or touches our close ones, our inner circle. And life being what it is, it always does. This is not a punishment, but a part of the shared human journey.

No matter how pious we are, no matter how pure our intentions or consistent our practices, tragedy visits. It does not discriminate. When the visit is significant enough, it doesn't just shake our circumstances and our emotions; it can fracture the very covenant we felt we had with God or the universe. That unspoken agreement—that if we try to be good, if we have faith, we will be shielded from the worst of the pain—can feel broken. This fracture is what I have come to call the feeling of Cosmic Betrayal, and its aftermath is what we will gently explore together.

My Spiritual Foundation and Early Cracks

To understand my path to this feeling, I should share a little of my own spiritual landscape. I grew up within the framework of Christianity, with its teachings of a loving God and a purposeful plan. This was my first language for the divine. Later, as a young adult, this gave way to a sincere interest in the law of attraction and New Thought teachings, which spoke of our power to shape reality with our minds and hearts. It was a philosophy of empowerment and inherent goodness in the universe. For a time, it felt like a brighter, lighter way to understand my place in things.

Yet, by my twenties, my own life had already begun to lay down a different kind of education. I had experienced my share of personal trauma, and it began early. It began with persistent bullying in every school I attended—a bullying that felt relentless and, in its seeming randomness, without limits. My home environment, meant to be a sanctuary, was often tense and unhappy, a place where peace felt fragile. These experiences were my first quiet teachers, showing me that suffering could be a constant, subtle background noise in a life.

But my awareness of suffering did not stay contained within my own story. It expanded, heart by heart, through the struggles of the people around me. I remember a close friend who lived with the tremors of domestic violence caused by her alcoholic father. I watched her, this beautiful soul, later battle a terrible disease and the ravages of anorexia. I sat with her in her pain until, in my own heart, I felt I had to make a grim peace with the likelihood of her dying. It was a helpless, haunting feeling. And hers was not an isolated story. There were more cases of anorexia among my peers; so many friends my age were fighting silent wars with depression or scarring their own skin in a language of pain I was learning to decipher. I attended the funerals of three classmates—two who had taken their own lives, one stolen by a sudden car accident. Each service was a silent lesson in finality.