The Summer That Changed Everything 2

KARSTEN

April 2017

“I just don’t want you to be alone, son. Especially now, in this difficult moment... Do you understand?”

“Yes, Mom,” I replied, even though her words barely reached me.

I felt so numb...

“It’s been such a long while, over a year. I’m really worried about you, son,” she wept.

“I’ll be fine...”

“I know! But, a mother always worries. It hurts me much to know you’re so far away, and I can’t even hug you! I’ll buy you a plane ticket; what do you say?” She suggested delicately.

“I don’t know... I haven’t made up my mind yet.”

“It doesn’t matter; you can decide later. You really should be with us, son... Once all this is over, please quit your job, and come to Adelaide. We are all waiting for you.”

‘It’s...” I looked away at a large group of people gathering by the church’s entrance. “It’s complicated. I’ll call you later, okay? It starts soon.”

“Sure,” she said quietly. “Be strong, son. I’m so sorry I can’t be there with you today.”

“It’s okay. I can deal with this.”

“I know. You’re so brave, son. I love you so much. Call me later. Or at least text.”

“All right. I love you too, Mom,” I reassured her and hung up.

Just in time, it was precisely ten to ten... I glanced at the guests again. In their black clothes, they were oddly similar to crows. I couldn’t believe that they were all my father’s friends... He was always a loner in my eyes. Perhaps though, I just didn’t know him enough.

We were almost strangers to each other.

And yet, here I was...

I took a deep breath, put my hands in my suit pants’ pockets, and ran up the wide stone steps. I quickly passed by the guests’ group, skillfully avoiding their gaze. Not that they knew who I was, anyways. The majority surely didn’t.

I entered the church’s cold vestibule and saw Uncle Ulrich with his wife, Aunt Marie. Uncle Ulrich was my father’s brother - and my godfather, too. I hardly knew him, though. He lived here, in Chemnitz; I stayed first in Berlin and now, in Dresden.

Uncle Ulrich and I nearly never saw each other, and he only sent me money for more important occasions, such as first communion or confirmation, which I attended despite being an agnostic.

I had a somewhat friendlier relationship with Aunt Marie. She loved posting cards and sent them to my mother every year, carefully writing the names of our whole family, never forgetting to include my stepfather Rolf and my half-sister Judith. Aunt Marie was somebody who always remembered and cared, even though we barely kept in touch.

“Karsten,” she said to me now and attempted to smile, but the corners of her mouth curved downwards instead of upwards. For a moment, I had the impression that she’d cry at any moment. “I’m so sorry about your dad.”

I didn’t say anything.

I had no idea what.

On the one hand, I knew that this funeral was an extremely important event, my father’s last farewell. But on the other... I just wanted to run away and pretend it wasn’t happening at all. It was just too tough to cope with.

“If you need anything, Karsten,” Uncle Ulrich cleared his throat, “you can count on us, always.”

I thanked him not only for these words but also for organizing everything. There was no way I’d be able to...

We left the vestibule and entered the church’s main hall.

“Go sit down,” Aunt Marie whispered to me, slightly patting my right shoulder. “We will go talk to other guests...”

“Okay,” I replied, but seeing the coffin standing between the rows of benches made me feel faint. Once again, I felt overwhelmed by the need to run out and pretend this was just a bad dream...

Nevertheless, I forced myself to come closer. I sat down on one of the benches near the altar, trying to dismiss it as ’a natural course of life.’ But in reality, I was fighting not to fall apart emotionally.

Then, suddenly, someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned my head and saw my boyfriend, Markus. He looked very attractive in a suit, but the mere fact that he was wearing it, only emphasized that we were attending a funeral.

“Hi,” he greeted me. There was no smile on his face, which was very serious. I could see from his storm-blue eyes, though, that he had much compassion for me. No wonder; he was very attached to his father.

“Hey,” I said simply. “Thanks for coming.”

“Don’t even mention it. Move,” he waved his hand.

I did as he requested me to, and he sat down next to me. When he did, I felt the scent of his new perfume. I didn’t manage to get used to it yet, so it failed to bring me comfort.

“What about Volt’s birthday?” I asked.

“Nothing,” Markus echoed, shrugging. “I told him I was with you.”

“What about the gift? Have you chosen something?”

“Yeah. I got him a Steam gift card.”

“Oh, okay.”

After this short conversation, we both quieted down. I glanced away so as not to look at the coffin again. Markus touched my hand to remind me that he was still there. I appreciated it; I really did - even though things between us weren’t going great recently...

The last summer felt like a wonderful dream. He had unexpectedly fallen in love with me, and after we got together, life became mesmerizing. Each moment, gesture, and touch felt so precious. We kissed in the last tempests of the season, and as autumn started, we moved to Dresden. We took countless long walks around this baroque city, listening to the trees rustling in the wind, holding hands, and drinking takeaway tea - not a single care in the world. I was incredibly in love with him, and vice-versa.