Failed Me, Kissed Me

In my youth, I often pondered whether we were destined to reach certain points of our life and then encounter the right people who were meant to be in our life, or whether encountering them was simply a consequence of all the choices that we made earlier.

I often asked myself this question because it was painfully obvious that the people I met during my childhood and teenage years weren’t the best fit for me. Or perhaps, I wasn’t the best fit for them? I always felt like an outcast. I did want to belong but it felt out of my reach. I felt like, I was another breed entirely with my rather defiant, bold, quick, and internally rebellious personality...

After much contemplation, I eventually reached the realization that life is a combination of fate, serendipity, and our own free will.

Certain things, such as where we were born, our name, financial status, and health, seemed to be predetermined. However, other aspects appeared random, and others – clear results of our own actions.

I was born in the 90s, into a middle-class family living in Santiago. It was the typical script of a young Chilean boy’s life, I guess... My setup suggested that I would become a spoiled brat, and that was what ultimately happened to me; I instinctively played the role of the troublemaking kid during my younger years, making all my caregivers tear their hair out, of despair.

Later, I evolved into a non-conforming teenager, one that couldn’t fit with other rebels, either. Thinking back of that time, I believe that I didn’t think much about anything, honestly; my main objective was to do the bare minimum and just have fun.

I suppose, I unconsciously expected my life to be easy, precisely like my parents and everyone else had made it for me. I naturally assumed that things would keep falling into place effortlessly while I would sit back and relax.

Yeah; I literally expected life to serve me, and bring the best dishes under my nose, just like my caring mother always did.

I effortlessly slid from class to class, always putting in minimal effort... My grades were rather mediocre, except for English, where I showed undeniable talent. It was the only thing that I excelled in, but to be frank, I didn’t care much about it either.

The only thing that seemed to hold more importance for me was being friends with my close-knit group from the same street. We bonded by our shared interests in whatever we considered to be cool - street art, hip-hop music, dance, fashion, and obviously, indulging in the forbidden pleasures of underage drinking and smoking.

We wanted to break free from the monotony of school and the looming perspective of sharing our parents’ fates – working from morning till late afternoon, then doing chores and rotting in front of the TV.

We had a strong yearning for a more vibrant and exciting life; we craved the thrill of truly living – whatever that meant -, and kept seeking experiences beyond the conventional and mundane.

It was them that I cared about the most; not the people from my class and certainly not finishing high school. Going to college and supposedly gaining some freedom after that seemed like a lackluster prospect. I wanted to be more intelligent than that. I wanted to earn money.

But, of course, life wasn’t going to let me slide into adulthood effortlessly. In fact, it was as if my existence had been far too simple, and accumulated some karmic debt for me. I was having it too easy, and the universal forces had to make me suffer, to balance out the nice days that I have experienced.

Just before the last semester of our high school was about to end – after finals, but before the start of the summer -, we would embark on a trip to the Cajón del Maipo region which was located just outside of Santiago.

This area was known for its stunning natural landscapes, with the Maipo River flowing through a deep canyon surrounded by towering mountains. I had been there multiple times already, of course, but I still went on that last trip with my classmates...

Little did I know that it would be our final trip ever, and not just in the terms of graduating soon.

Once on the bus, I put on my earphones, and began listening to music, peeking from the window from time to time. I was mostly lost in my thoughts, though. I had been feeling a bit strange lately... There was this peculiar sense of emptiness within me, a jarring void that terrified me...

Only later did I understand that it was the weight of the incoming grief slowly starting to take its toll, even though at that point of my life, the accident hadn’t occurred yet.

Then – within an instant -, my whole world turned upside down as our trip bus veered off the road, hurtling towards the river! Panic surged through my veins, but I was sure that we would be fine...

It wasn’t. Despite desperately wrestling with the steering wheel, our bus driver couldn’t prevent us from taking a terrifying plunge into the cold depths of the river below.

We crashed into the water with a deafening thud, and the impact jolted us all. Within just a few minutes, the once-familiar, cozy environment of the bus transformed into a frenzied chaos of shattered windows, water gushing in, and terrified screams. We were all trying to get out, but it wasn’t so easy; I got injured during the crash and I wasn’t the only one... It was very dark, too, and as water rapidly filled the bus interior, it replaced everyone’s breaths with a suffocating dread...

In that harrowing moment, my daily reality became a nightmare. For the first time in my life, I felt something strongly: panic. All I could think about was escaping that place and making it to the surface, then returning home to my parents and friends... But, I couldn’t move well, every time that I tried, the pain in my leg was excruciating.

I would have likely drowned if it wasn’t for my classmate, Diego... He spotted me on his way out, and forcefully pulled me along with himself, guiding me toward the roof window of the sinking bus...