Boyfriend in Space

The end of January was much colder than in previous years. We’d had a terrible snowstorm, which caused our university to cancel classes for the week, and the news had been asking people to stay indoors as much as they possibly could. Although some of the snow had started to relent, you still risked frostbite if you went outside and didn’t cover up adequately.

My friend Waldo had organized a movie night that weekend with Ari and KT. Since it had been a slow week, I agreed and headed over to his apartment. Everyone else was already there, all bunched up together on the three-person sofa. KT’s chocolate eyes lit up when she saw me. I waved to her, and she gave me a bright smile. It was so similar to Blaine’s, and she had the same shade of brunette hair, but her hairstyle was free and tousled about, probably messed up from wearing a beanie or from the wind.

Ari gave me a sweet smile too. She was much shorter than KT; her ethnic, woolen sweater was pulled up around her neck, nearly reaching her lips.

Waldo didn’t seem to notice me enter. His eyes were squinting from behind his black-rimmed glasses, and his body was in full concentration mode: he was flicking through a selection of movies on the menu. I noticed that the TV screen was reflected in his glasses. Suddenly, he paused and his lips broke into a grin.

“How about this one? Interstellar. I think it sounds right up our alley.” Waldo waved the TV remote at the screen, trying to get everyone’s attention to approve his selection.

Moving towards an empty recliner, I took a seat and eyed the title on the screen cautiously. I didn’t want to crash the party by any means, but over the last several months, I had been quite nervous about anything related to outer space. I thought about the fact that right there was the love of my life. I knew he was doing important work on the moon and that this was his passion, what he wanted to be doing, but I’ll be damned if I didn’t lie awake every single night, worrying myself to sleep at the thought of it.

We were all physics students, so sci-fi was our favorite genre. Thus, there hadn’t been any arguments with Waldo’s movie choice. He let it start playing, settling back on the couch, quite pleased with his selection.

The movie was about a man on dying Earth with withering crops. He left his family to venture into space to find hope for humanity. Soon, he ended up lost in space, drifting farther and farther away while his family was getting older and older, waiting for his return. All he wanted to do was to hug his daughter, but it seemed like that might never come to be.

I remember the panic rising in my chest the longer the movie went on. My throat was clamming up, and I felt nauseated, my mind overcome with anxiety and fear as I thought about Blaine drifting eternally in space, never to return to me.

At some point, I excused myself, hands shaking as I pushed up from the recliner. I faintly remembered KT calling out to me, her footsteps following along behind me as I rushed out of the apartment and outside.

*

Stumbling outside had been like walking into a freezer. The cold air hit my lungs and burned as I gasped. My heart had thudded painfully inside my ribcage as images of Blaine floating lifelessly in the endless void of the starry sky flashed through my mind. I was vaguely aware of a hand on my back. I turned to see KT looking up at me, her brows knitted together in concern.

“It’s okay, Finn, I get it. The movie, and my brother…” she began, her hand pressing into my lower back and guiding me down the footpath towards an empty bus shelter. I inhaled, letting her lead the way.

The bus shelter provided some respite from the biting wind. We sat beside each other and huddled closer for a little extra warmth.

“I’m so scared, KT,” I whispered. “I’ve never felt this way with anyone else before. The way he makes me feel is... indescribable. Every single day without him, I have this gaping emptiness inside me. I... I hate it. I hate waking up and knowing he’s out there, that anything could go wrong at any moment.”

KT gave me a small smile, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears.

“I know, Finn. As much as I hate to admit it, I’d be so lost without my brother.” Shifting on the seat, she tried her best to give me a more reassuring smile. “But Blaine is a big boy, and I trust that he can take care of himself. And he’s stubborn as hell too; I know for a fact that he’d do anything to make it back here, to stay with you.”

Her words comforted me on some small level. Of course, they could never be the same as actually meeting Blaine again and feeling his strong arms enveloping me in their radiant warmth... Or sensing his lips pressing along the nape of my neck, where his chin scruff always tickled along my skin.

A shudder ran through my body. I attempted to pull my coat around me tighter, but it didn’t help against the cold that was chilling me down to my bones.

“Before he left, we... had an argument,” I admitted, almost too softly. KT looked at me as if she wasn’t sure what she heard, but then it sank in, and she looked at me sympathetically. Her hand came up to my shoulder and squeezed it.

“I’m sure that whatever it was, you can pull through it. All the best relationships can work through their arguments and problems, and you know Blaine. Sometimes he just says stuff and doesn’t realize it might hurt. He regrets it later, after it’s already come out of his mouth.” KT shook her head and let out a breathy laugh.

I looked at her skeptically, chewing on my lower lip. We didn’t banter over silly stuff; the topic was serious.